Monday, January 25, 2010

Who would have ever thought I would defend hipsters?


I am seriously so fucking sick of hearing people bitch, cry and whine about hipsters as if they are some new form of blight upon society.

Stop treating the recent out break of hipsters in what ever city it is you live in as some kind of new development; some kind of fresh new plague your generation, or location, has to deal with that past generations somehow managed to escape. This shit is nothing new, things are not changing for the worse or better they are just grinding on as they have for generations. Are any of you honestly going to tell me that this is the first time in the history of civilization that a whole group of people have all decided to follow the same stupid trends, listen the same shitty music, wear the same stupid clothes, live int he same area and sit around thinking they are better then everyone else?

BULLSHIT!!

You think the people living in Haight-Ashbury when the hippies moved in where saying anything that much different from what people are saying today about hipsters? Fuck no, they where out there crying about the hippies with their tight pants, long hair, cheap wine, shitty grass and superior attitudes invading their bars and neighborhood. Just replace ''bell bottoms' with 'tight pants,' 'long hair' with 'stupid mustache,' 'cheap wine' with 'PBR,' and 'shitty grass' with 'cocaine' and you have pretty much the exact same line of shit that you hear people prattle on with when it comes to hipsters.

Don't get me wrong folks, I am no fan of the hipster. They are still a bunch of annoying kids who are slave to fashion with a bad attitude fucking up my 'hood but I'm not about to act like they are some kind of new plague upon society; they are nothing but dumb kids caught up with a fad and that is nothing new, we've been dealing with it for generations. Every group of morons caught up in a current trend with a tendency to love int he same area are the exact same thing as hipsters....

Hippies=hipsters.
Beatniks=hipsters.
Punks=hipsters.
Naturalists=hipsters.
Pretty much any group of trend whore=hipsters.

Get the fuck over it, this is nothing new and your way of life is not being trampled any more then anyone's ever was.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Scrap Truck Apocalypse..

Today is the first day of my own personal war; my war against the scrappers.

Not familiar with scrappers; well let me educate you about these filthy fucking scavengers. Scrappers are a modern day urban parasite feeding on the scraps of society. They comb the back alleys of our cities, back lots of business and anywhere else they can gain access in a quest for recyclable material that borders on obsession. Usually they can be found driving and old, over loaded, and usually unsafe pick up truck literally bursting at the seams with junk.

Once upon a time they where few and far between and not quite the annoyance they have become in recent years; every neighborhood had it's resident 'junk man' who scoured local alleys for anything useful, recyclable or that could be sold for a meager profit. However a few years ago, thanks to a Chinese buying frenzy, the price of scrap steel skyrocketed causing more and more people to look towards selling scrap as a viable source of income. The high cost of steel, and other recyclable metals, plus the added competition of more scrappers lead to bolder and bolder antics from the scrappers; almost everyone I know here in Chicago has a story about copper pipe being stolen out buildings under construction, seeing a scrapper steel a man hole cover, bikes being ripped of to be scrapped or one of a million other odd tales of stuff that wasn't really junk being carted off by this modern breed of sleazy junk man.

Recently the price of scrap dropped, you might think that the lower profit now afforded to the scrapper would reduce their ranks but sadly this is not what happened. Instead of thinning the heard it, in the face of even tougher competition, made them boulder in their questionably legal actions. In the last 2 years I, either personally or as I business, have been ravaged by scrappers. As a business I lost machine parts totaling $20,000 in replacement costs as well as some shop fixtures and several thousand dollars of industrial batteries. Personally I am out two bikes one of which I suspect was scrapped and another that I know was. The police seem not to care much about any of this. I think this is partially due tot he fact that they are jerks but also because it is very hard to catch them; usually they steal the stuff overnight and take it to the scrap yard first thing in the morning making it hard to catch them with the stolen goods and on the rare occasion they do get caught red handed they just claim that they thought it was garbage and prosecution becomes difficult unless it can be proved there was no way they could have mistaken it for refuse.

Now if the thievery where not enough I have a second reason to hate scrappers; they drive some of the most delapidated, unsafe and overloaded vehicles I have ever seen on the road and for some reaosn they never seem to get ticketed or arrested for it. When I workedon fleet trucks we got pulled over and weighed all the time, tickets where issued for any safety violation the cops could find on our trucks but I see scrappers on the road with trucks OBVIOUSLY over gross weight for both the paltes and the vehicle not to mention missing lights or in an obvioulsy unsafe condition with an unsecured load. about two years ago one of these rolling disastars lost a piece of trash on the highway and it come through the windshield of my truck! Why are these fuckers never ticketed for an unsafe vehicle? Should the rules of the road not apply to them too?

Tell you what, I'm sick of it and, after the theft and scrappiong of my tall bike, I am going to take matters into my own hands. Everytime I see one of these fuckign trucks I am calling 311 on any safety violations I see. If they come near my business I am calling the cops. If I'm out and see a bike in one of their trucks I'm making it my bike. These fickign bastards have taken to much from both myself and my firends for it to go unpunished an longer.

Fuckers ought not to have fucked with my British tall.

Rest in peace, or at least melted pieces, sweet, sweet first tall bike.

Monday, January 11, 2010

The Halcyon Days of no Bras and free love...


Over the last week I have spent more time then I should freely admit watching teen movies, why I am not exactly sure. My selections ranged from obscure ultra low budget 'classics' from the late 70's and 80's (the pictured Spring Break from 1983) all the way up to high budget mainstream hits of the last decade (American Pie and all it's various off shoots). Now after wathing more the 12 of these things in less then a week I, in my opinion, have the somewhat dubious honor of having become an expert which gives me the right to the following opinions...

First off I think it could be considered a widely accepted fact that teen movies are not what they once where' Somewhere, somehow, what little class and quality there was to these movies has been drained out and replaced with... well I don't know but I don't like it. When you watch the 'classics' of the genre it always seems the the kids just out to have a good time end up not only on a quest to get laid but forced to stand up for what's right and fight for what they believe in. Not so much in today's modern teen films, anymore it just seems like a bunch of privileged white suburban dongs fighting a battle against good taste in an effort to get their carrots wet. Even the eventual hook ups and happy endings lack any depth to them, there is rarely a single moment where we see a real sacrifice for the sake of love; I fear there may never be another Lloyd Dobler to inspire future generations of men to do stupid things...

Not only are they not fighitng the rightious battle anymore but how often can we really view these kids as 'underdogs?' I'm sorry but after growing up wathing Revenge of the Nerds and its' contemporaries have have massive problems viewing the frat boys and good looking young men of the modern teen movies as underdogs just trying to get the respect they deserve. I mean who in their right mind is going to get behind Van Wilder because they feel the poor privlaged dong is getting taken advantage of? Come the fuck on people.

The next thing I miss in modern teen movies is teens that look like teens and breasts that look like they belong on human women. I'm not sure, exactly, how we are supposed to accept a good looking kid in his mid 20's as a nerdy outcast in high school, that shit does not cut it man. What ever happened to unlikely geeky looking heroes like Mitch Taylor? Know why that kid was such a convincing dorky 15 year old? Because he was 15 fucking years old and looked like a dork! I, for one, am sick of seeing actors fighting a wicked 5'oclock shadow on their well formed square jaw portray geeky high school freshmen! And don't even get me started on the freakishly pneumatic fake ass fun-bags that show up every 10 minutes for no apparent reason. I'm all for boobs most of the time but when I have to start thinking of Porky's as a bastion of modesty and good taste when it comes to the display of the female anatomy I think it's time to scale things back just a touch. Give me the good old days of tank tops, modest breasts and no bras thank you very much.


I think it's high time we demand our teen movies back. I urge you all to write your alderman, senator, congressperson and our president demanding that they take some kind of action to return the classic teen movie to it's rightful place in movie theaters and video stores everywhere. If we don't do something soon we are going to have a whole generation on our hands who will never believe that having a massive party is the best course of action when faced with certain defeat and that is NOT a world I want to live in.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Out with the old...

Well here it is the 4th of January 2010 so it looks like we have all made it safely into the second decade of the second millennium. As disappointed as I am that there are no hoover cars, jet packs or anti-gravity skate boards rather then use this little slice of the web to bitch, cray and make the same old tired jokes about everything we don't have that was predicted I have decided to take a step back and just enjoy the feeling of possibility that only years that end with zeros can give.

Maybe it's just me but a fresh decade always leaves me feeling a whole world of possibility lies in front of me but those closing years always seem to be closing in a strangling me; '99 and '09 where not what I would classify as happy years for me but '90 and '00 where and I am hoping that '10 is as well... and it seems off to a good start

This year I am hoping to make a banner year both personally and professionally. Work wise we are in a position to cast off some of the dead weight that has been holding us back and really expand and grow this coming year. I really hope it happens because it will bring me one step closer to just being able to point and yell when I need things done, none of this real work bullshit. Personally my only plan is to go from being a fat old crazy person to being a crazy person and the whole ride my bike everywhere thing should help with that plus I am planning to try and improve my diet because I want to live past 35 just so I can annoy everyone.

Very, very boring blog post but I think that is going to happen until I get some content built up and held in reserve because I am going to be trying to update here at least 3 times a week regardless of if I have much to say because my ego says you all want to know what I am up to.

I hope you all have a great coming year and keep the party going.

Cheers!